Friday, May 01, 2009

"Chris has changed!" - "Chris isn't funny anymore."

Current mood: content
Ever since 'Leave Britney Alone' happened people have said I've changed. At first they said I went too Hollywood, now they're saying I'm just not funny anymore.

Constantly being told I'm not funny anymore and feeling like I have to explain why I've changed from the age 18 to 21 is not fun, which is why I am making this blog.

Here is my opinion, without getting mad..

When I first started making videos I had nothing else going on in my life. I wasn't going to school, I had no friends and no one to turn to. My camera was my only friend: which is why I started making videos. When I started making videos it gave me a chance to right my wrongs. It gave my a chance to make all the things about me that were so uncool, finally cool. It gave me a chance to make myself socially acceptable. Although that was never my goal, but it happened. Of course I have my haters, but the whole magic in the beginning was that I was a very hated person, taking out on my hate on the hate.. and once people loved me for it, the hate I felt for being hated in my earlier years was gone.

I was going through a lot at. It was me at the beginning of adulthood. I was 18 when I began videos. I am now 21. I would be one immature person if I were still that 18 year old yelling at his camera sitting on his grandmother's coffee table. I am thankful for the change I have experienced. I was angry then, I am happy now. Truly. I feel like people are more fun to watch when they are going through turmoil or sadness, and if that means I am less fun to watch, then so be it. I didn't have friends when I started making videos and I was mad at the world. I now have friends I wouldn't trade anything for, and what I don't show on camera, It just means that my friends get more of me. Before I had no one to give my love to.. now I do and I'm just much more content, to put it simply.

I use to get really defensive when people would tell me I had changed or that I wasn't funny anymore, but now I take it as a compliment when I'm told I've changed, because I am content with who I am.

I do not disagree with those who say I have changed. I do not disagree with those who say I was funnier before, but guess what? I might have been funnier but I was far less wise than I am now and I wouldn't trade this wisdom for anything. My one disagreement is the attack that I'm just not funny anymore. I may have more funny moments off-camera, but I'm still funny, I must give myself that credit. Not being funny for me is impossible. Humor is my my secret/not-so-secret ingredient for dealing with life. If something is wrong, I make a joke before I cry.. if the joke doesn't work, then I'll cry but I'll at least give the joke a shot first. That's just how I am. I will always always always be funny. I may not always capture it on camera, but just know that part of me will always remain in tact.

My fans, the ones who related with me, and understood what I was doing, broke my spell. You guys kissed my wound, so to speak. You saved me from my curse. I had been hated all my life and once I saw that people finally liked me, I felt I had nothing to prove. The earlier videos were me letting go of everything I had bottled up all the years I was made fun of in school. Once my fans loved me for it, there was no need to lash out anymore. I was content. I felt like I had done my job. I sent the message out there that you can go into the world with nothing to lose, and come out the other end of the tunnel having gained everything you possibly could.

I'm not saying that popularity made me unfunny or changed me. I'm saying this: Once I saw that some people understood my struggle, once I felt my mission was done, I didn't feel a need to put so much energy into videos. I am so blessed to have touched the people I have touched, whether it be with my sense of humor or just my heart-to-heart talks to the camera/the audience. I am also grateful that a lot of you still keep up with me even though I don't make videos like I use to.

The reason I made my song "Mind in the Gutter" was because I needed a new creative outlet. Making a song was a dream come true for me, and I plan on making more songs in the future. It's a totally different way to express myself than to make videos. With videos, I can make up fun sayings that you guys can use in your day-to-day life, but with songs.. to have you sing along is much more fulfilling. It's much more connecting.. and I can't wait to do more and I know you can't wait either! ;)

Everyone who bought my song- Thank you. Everyone who has ever purchased one of my shirts- Thank you. Everyone who has ever stood up for me to a hater- Thank you. Anyone who has ever thanked me- thank yourself. I do what I do because of you guys.

Love forever and always,

Chris Crocker

PS- I am closing this chapter in my life of videos with the release of my DVD coming out later this year. It will have all of my fan-favorites as well as an interview and never-before-seen videos!


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